CASUAL DATING WHILE IN A RELATIONSHIP?

I was trying to be monogamous with someone (which never lasts long for me, ever) when I took this screen shot. And you know what? I’m a loyal guy! And that’s something I’ll take to my grave.

I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE GIVE ME THEIR EXACT LOCATION

I KNO WER U LIV

W4$$U9 F4GG07

I love that he spelled something in 1337-speak, and then when I responded accordingly he went on to just misspell the word “fucking.”

You, sir, need to have the keyboard taken away from you.

WHAT’S SO FUNNY, “CHILLIN”?

This guy seems like he must be a riot. Even saying hi to strangers online makes him giggle.

WATER U DOING

I love that he didn’t get my joke.

MESSAGING FUCK UP

Lol I love it. We’ve all been there. But that doesn’t stop me from laughing at you.

YOU SLEPT WITH MY BOYFRIEND

I think we all know that the term “Ineligible Bachelor” has and always will primarily refer to myself. Never forget that.

I SAID LOL, DAMMIT

Seriously. What was there to not understand.

I WAS IMPERSONATED AND THEN BANNED FROM GRINDR (BUT I’M BACK NOW AND HE’S OFF THE FUCKIN’ APP)

Hey children! I hope you guys had a great weekend! Lord knows I had an interesting one. Please gather ’round, everyone, because it’s story time!

So it all started when some dude messaged me asking how big I was. And I responded like I normally would:

So after that, I stopped responding to him because I didn’t give a shit / I had already screencapped the convo and was planning on posting it on IB the next day. Mission accomplished. Right? Nope. The saga continues. He then proceeds to go on some strange rant that was probably fueled by how much he hates himself:

LMAO, what?!?!?! All of this just because I didn’t respond to his dick pic? Now I’m DEFINITELY posting this conversation on Ineligible Bachelors!!! What a gold-mine! Lord, if I was only to foresee the shitstorm that was to come.

So anyway, I don’t really say much back and he continues to go from hilarious-stranger to complete-asshole:

Wwwwoooowwwwww. I then proceeded to tell him that Grindr will be able to tell who last updated their profile image / they’ll know that he’s the impostor, not me.

Sidenote: I blanked out his username in this last screencap because he had changed it to mine. Also, when I noticed that he had done that, I looked at his profile and saw that he had stolen my profile picture and all of my profile information/text. His profile was a complete clone of mine.

Anyway, I flagged him with the in-app flagging option, and went to sleep because who cares.

The next morning, I woke up to this:

EXQUEEZE ME????

You’ve gotta be kidding me! Except then I realized after some research — turns out I didn’t provide sufficient information in my report when I flagged this guy for impersonation. And since he flagged me for impersonation as well, Grindr naturally thought I WAS THE IMPERSONATOR! AND THAT MEANT THAT THIS ASSHOLE WAS STILL RUNNING AROUND SAYING RUDE / SLANDEROUS STUFF ABOUT ME!!!!!

I did my best to remain calm, and I sent another report on the Grindr Support Link provided in the screencap above, this time providing screencaps, photos of myself with the date written on them, and my original profile image / a current image of myself. Within the next 20 minutes I received an email asking me to provide a picture of myself holding a piece of paper with my email address on it, as well as a photo of my government-issued photo ID. I quickly responded with those two pieces of information, and then within the NEXT 20 minutes, I had received an email saying that the impostor’s profile has been banned from Grindr, and that the ban on my profile has been lifted.

I’M BACK ON GRINDR EVERYONE!! AND THE IMPOSTOR IS VANQUISHED!!!

So yea. That’s the end of this story, really. And as for the moral? There are a few I think.

1) Always keep your head up even when it seems like you’ve already lost. And trust me, I really felt like I had lost this battle when I saw that I got banned. I thought I was screwed, and that this dude was just gonna be running around with my photo and information spreading horrible information about me. It was terrifying!

2) Grindr is an awesome app, as long as you’re nice to other people. True, I’m not the nicest user on it myself, but if you’re generally a good samaritan (aka you don’t do truly vicious stuff to other users) then Grindr will work with you to help right any wrongs.

3) Don’t let a negative experience cause you to give up on something you love. And this is going to be a lesson that I’m going to have to exercise myself. Because I won’t lie — I’m a bit scared to continue using Grindr now. I don’t want this to keep happening, after all! But the fact of the matter is, I love Grindr too much to be scared of it — not only do I need it to keep my sex life going, but I need it for this blog! So I shall stay strong and keep trucking, dear readers. I’m doin’ it for you.

Peace, Love, and Up The Butt,

– Terrible Loser

I NEVER SAID IT WAS A GOOD JOKE, HAHAHHA (SUBMISSION)

This screen cap was emailed to me by a very awesome IB fan named Manny Ramesh, and I love it. It is so sad, lonely, and desperate. I love when people awkwardly laugh at their own self-admittedly bad jokes, because you never really think it’s possible until it suddenly happens. Adorable.

Also side note: this is my first email submission!!! That last one was stolen from someone I was having a conversation with, so, kinda doesn’t count. Also, Manny sent me two others so get ready for those in the coming days.

So yea. Keep the submissions coming, people! Send them all to bjorngreenlaw@gmail.com. Daddy likes when you submit to Ineligible Bachelors.

Peace, Love, and Up The Butt,
– Terrible Loser